The Teaching is Never Over

Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny. May God bless you and keep you-until then.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 164

The Teaching is never over. Everyday I feel I grow closer to God, my Higher Power, but didn't realize I was missing fellowship with friends that are Christians and that are strong in the word and preachings of God. There are many faults I have admitted to my fellow friends in Recovery and those not in Recovery and also ones that I asked for forgiveness, while not pointing the finger at them and pointing out my faults and my wrong doings. This is a difficult action to do, not telling the other that "I did this because you acted like this", or "if you would not have done that, I would not have acted that way". I have been able to make amends to most of the people I have hurt and taken down my pride and ego and admitted my faults to them. Recovery has taught me that this is the only way I can have a clear conscious to be able to live my life without chains being tied to me, Rigorous and Complete Honesty. I still have amends I have to make to others, that including to the children from my past marriage. I pray for them every night and that one day God will allow me to see them again to make amends for my actions during my active addiction in my past marriage.

I was proven the other day that The Teaching is Never Over because a friend and I were having breakfast and we were speaking of asking God for forgiveness, curses that are caused from generations past. She admitted to me something I would have never shared with anyone, a sin and one that I had done as well. It shocked me, but then I realized I was speaking to someone that was a Christian and preached the word and she was not ashamed to admit her faults to me. I would have taken this to the grave, but because she had already cleared her wreckage from her past I realized I could do the same. Admitting this horrendous sin to another human being gave me a sense of Freedom I had not felt since I began Recovery. The teaching is never over, I have found freedom on a new level because I have met someone that has led me down a new fork in the Road to Recovery and the Road to Happy Destiny. Godspeed.

The Mask from the Masquerade Ball...

you wear in life, may hide you from the world but at the end of the day the mask has to come off for you to sleep at night.

RIGOROUS HONESTY - Daily Reflections

Who wishes to be rigorously honest and tolerant? Who wants to confess his faults to another and make restitution for harm done? Who cares anything about a Higher Power, let alone meditation and prayer? Who wants to sacrifice time and energy in trying to carry A.A. 's message to the next sufferer? No, the average alcoholic, self-centered in the extreme, doesn't care for this prospect—unless he has to do these things in order to stay alive himself.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 24

I used to hide behind a mask in my world when I was not sober; a mask of lies, deceit, resentment, anger and selfishness. Small white lies, then deceit, lies that became bigger to cover up the little ones..oh, to the web we weave as if we were spiders...It became my way of life and I didn't even realize how much it encompassed my every being until I found Recovery and God.

It was a difficult process in the beginning because it was part of my disease, lying and being deceitful, and I would catch myself lying without even realizing I had done it until afterwards. The other day I realized I had embellished a story to make it seem much grander than it actually was. The embellishment didn't make the story better to the other person, it was my disease trying to make surface.

Today I know that I live my life with rigorous honesty. It is not fun to confess a fault to another, but I know I have to because at the end of the day my Higher Power, God, is the only one, besides myself, that knows the way I live my life.

Wearing a mask at the masquerade ball is easy to do and take off when you get home, however at the ball, your life, you are dancing with the devil. I choose not to wear a mask anymore, I choose God and Rigorous Honesty for my ball, my life. Godspeed

Character Tests

Your personality and talent can open doors for you but only character can keep the doors open for you. You can find out a lot about a person by who their friends are. "You are who you hang around."

Tests continue throughout our life just like in school to go to the next grade, the next educational year. So it is in life, that is why people feel stuck in life. What test have I not passed? Why am I not where I thought I would be at this point in my life? The life you are living, there are Character tests. The reason you are not there yet is because you have not passed the character test that God has put upon you. The test of character is the most crucial because this is the test that God has destined you TO BE. The person you ARE to become. The bigger your dream, the bigger the character test. "Character" a Greek word that was a mark impressed upon a coin. Think of the mark upon a coin then think about the word character. The mark is what determines the value. The result of character is the mark or impression of what we make upon the lives of others. What kind of mark are you leaving?

To see a man's true nature, give him complete unadulterated power to think, judge and execute another human being. Character is much easier kept than recovered.

Examine and test and evaluate your own selves to see whether you are holding to your faith and showing the proper fruit of life. Test and prove yourself.

We are in a continuous test in our life. Godspeed

One Day at a Time...

is how I live. One Person at a Time is how God works through me. I have been asked many occasions why I write a blog and why. When I found Recovery I asked God to use me to share my experience, strength and hope because I did not know how to. Some find it shameful to admit to having addiction problems and I did at first... Realizing it was truly a miracle to have made it through the depths, darkness of addiction and the brink of death; then building my relationship with my Higher Power, God, I was not ashamed of my past addictions and My Recovery.

The emails, conversations, phone calls I receive from others lets me know that God is working through me to help others about addiction; whether that be of their family, their selves or just out of curiosity.

"Bill W. and Dr. Bob Started A.A. ... Bill W. was one of those men. ... in Akron, the two men began helping alcoholics one person at a time." The Founders of Alcoholics Anonymous, About.com

God can use you for what you fight for, what you are passionate about. I look at my friend, Kevin, and am amazed at how God is working through him in his ministries in Haiti. It is a miracle to see the transformation that Kevin has gone through and now changing One Person at a Time through his mission work with children in Haiti.

Teaching the poverty stricken that they are loved by Jesus and teaching them how to pray. This is Kevin's passion, what he is fighting for. His mission work touches me and works through me, it makes me want to be a better person and again reminds me how fortunate I am. I am thankful for my sobriety, my relationship with God, the food, shelter, job, family, friends that I have. Five years ago I could not have put any of this in words because I was too self-centered, in active addiction and took everything I had for granted.

I am the happiest I have ever been and thank God every morning and every night for my sobriety. One Day at a Time. Godspeed.

Dreams...

are the inner theatre of the mind. The place where we hope for things.

I believe Dreams that become a force are birthed by a God Encounter. God has been on my heart for many dreams recently, some of my own and some of others. Just think when God spoke to Noah about the Ark, when God spoke to Mary about giving birth to Jesus Christ.

Dreams that become a force can also be birthed out of something I love. What do you love? I love advertising and helping others, giving back what I have been given. Writing this blog is a way I can give back to others with addictions. To show we share a common bond. My addiction is now our common bond.

Today I choose to live happy, joyous and free. When I do I can be of help to the still suffering addict because they can see and feel there is hope. I was not always like this.

What do you like to talk about? What do you like to do?

What do you love to do that matters to you and that matters to others?

Dreams...are also birthed out of something that angers you, something that has hurt you emotionally, mentally, spiritually or physically. i.e. Martin Luther King, M.A.D.D. - Mothers Against Drunk Driving.

Dreams...also birthed out of something that ignites compassion. Tears. Whatever you weep over, God can give you a passion about that. Compassion putting you into action. What causes you to weep? Your tears have enough power to conquer your Dreams...birthed out of discontentment. I would love to have a halfway house for women who have been abused and/or with addiction problems.

You notice things that no one else notices. You notice it because it is what your calling is.

When you radically obey God, blessings fall on your life. Until some people exit your life you may never hear God.

If you cannot see it you cannot experience it. Dreamers don't just see, they see what could be.

Take a walk. Go...move...take a dream walk. I am. Godspeed.

We Just Try

Try and make it Day to Day, sometimes hour to hour, sometimes minute to minute...We Just Try.

If some of us only just tried. I now know friends that are trying and some that aren't. Some that have failed and began again. And then I know some that gave up trying and are dead. It is a continuous process. That is why we say we are in Recovery. If you were diagnosed with cancer, you would take every step and medication the doctor had advised to be in Recovery. We are the same way. The disease of Addiction. We have a process to follow and if we don't, most of us fall out of Recovery and eventually die. Just the same for cancer patients. If you do not follow the doctors orders, you will not begin the process of Recovery and will eventually die.

Those of use from Enterprise, Al. has lost a beautiful lady to cancer, Vicky Milam Harris that graduated from with me from Enterprise High School in 1992. She left behind a loving husband, Richard Harris and her son, Ritchey Harris, and of course her close friends and family. It has been only four days and when I pray for her and her family I could feel her presence and that beautiful smile of positive energy that she radiated...I posted this almost a year ago and the first comment is from Vicky about her Cancer. Listen to her words and her positive outlook on life. For some of us are not that fortunate. She turned her disease into a blessing to let others see that no matter what she had, she would live life Happy, Joyous and Free.

Donations are to the American Cancer Society- c/o Linda Andress PO Box 310900. Enterprise 36331.

I had it minute to minute Friday. My demons were all around me and it didn't matter what I did they wanted me down. This past week was joyous and filled with blessings from God. I was in constant contact with him every day, all day. And Friday it was though I was surrounded by a dark cloud and couldn't get away from it no matter how hard I prayed.

I know God gives us tests, test our strength. I don't hate many things but I do hate addiction. I hate how it is like a snake and sneaks up on you when you least expect it. Trying to suffocate the good and the blessing filled journey God has taken you down.

I hate being an addict. It makes me feel like such an outsider at times. Not able to go here or there or hang out at places because I do not know my limits or limitations in a new place and new people. I have been made fun of because I stay at home a lot...but I know what can happen in these four walls I sit in. Nothing. Nothing to risk my sobriety and my life. Being made fun of makes me feel like I am back in junior high and being picked on. Recovery is not easy all of the time. But it has been the best days of my life and some of the hardest ones ever. I would take this life over the life I lived in addiction, any day. Even days like Friday.

Walk a day in my shoes, a week, a month before you mock. All I can do is try, and I do. All day every day. Some days I have failed and some days I haven't. I just keep on trying. Godspeed.

30 days...

is a big accomplishment in the world of addiction. 30 days sober. I have a friend that recently celebrated their 30 days. What is even tougher is that they did it by themselves, without the help of a treatment center. My many treatment centers kept me sober for the time I was there because we were not in "the real world", i.e. around our past life, confinement. Much like the movie "28 Days" with Sandra Bullock. For her character the path to recovery will not be easy and success will not be guaranteed or even likely, but she is now willing to give it a try.

That is all it takes is willingness to try and turn your will and your way over to your Higher Power. I have been treading down the road of Recovery now for almost four years, and it has been easy at times, and also tough at times. Just last week it was a tough week for me. The disease wanting to take over to sneak a drink...even after this long. I had to pray it away, over and over. And I am in constant contact with God several times a day. So, to say it gets easier, yes...do you have your struggles, yes. I still do today, but I wake up every morning and thank God for keeping me sober today and when I lay my head down at night I thank God for keeping me sober that day. Every day. Not one day missed. The constant contact with God keeps me sober. I have tried other methods and they don't work for me. I ask God to embed Humility in me each day so that the disease does not sneak it's way back in, i.e. My Demons.

A disease that only can be cured by turning your will and your way over to a Higher Power. It works, but you have to work at it...for the rest of your life. And that is okay with me, for I do not want to go back from where I came from. Godspeed

Cinderella Man

The true story of an athlete who achieved his greatest success against the most daunting odds of his life is brought to the screen in this historical drama.

While conventional wisdom had it that Braddock was too old, out of shape, and out of practice to have any chance of winning, he defeated Griffin, and continued beating his opponents with a powerful left hook that had been intensified by years of punishing dock work. In a nation desperate for good news, Braddock's surprising comeback became a tonic to struggling workers and unemployed people, and all eyes were on Braddock when in 1935 he took on powerful heavyweight champion Max Baer in what was both literally and figuratively the fight of his life. ~ Mark Deming

Quite a sensational film, Braddock being on top of the world with his game, taking things in life for granted, i.e. tossing the purse he won on his dresser, a mere 4k plus in the twenties, a loving wife, beautiful children and in a lovely house without a worry in the world.

The depression hits, bills unpaid, no work, feeling despair and the world on his shoulders to provide just milk for his family. Milk. Letting go of his pride and ego and turning to his former trainer and manager to ask for money to be able to turn his utilities on. However, Braddock had the fight in him not just from his boxing career that God had blessed him with but also the fight in him not to let his family down.

Quite a parallel story of those that are or were in active addiction. You have it all one day, take it for granted, hit rock bottom and wonder if you have a fighting chance...

I wasn't sure if I had it in me, but by the Grace of God I found my fight and pulled myself up from depression and let go of my pride and ego and accepted that it was time to ask for help. The disease of addiction doesn't win, just like Braddock didn't let the hard times win. He fought long and hard and built himself back to what he used to be. Addiction is able to win because YOU are not ready to win, fight and defeat.

Humility. A fight to win again, to beat the odds. Something that everyone else doesn't believe that will ever happen again. Lost hope. That is what I took from the movie. The reporters asked Braddock "why do you want to win this fight?" and he replied, "Milk". Milk to put on the table for his family. I took everything that God had so graciously blessed me with for granted, and in saying that I lost everything in my life just as he did; my house, all belongings, my once children, a failed marriage, relationship with my parents...all but my clothes. I thank God everyday for the roof over my head, the food in my refrigerator, the electricity I have, my job, family, friends and first and foremost my sobriety. Everyday.

You can tell how far a person will go in life by what they are willing to go without to become who they want to be. Godspeed

Self-Honesty...

The deception of others is nearly always rooted in the deception of ourselves. . . . When we are honest with another person, it confirms that we have been honest with ourselves and with God. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 17

While in active addiction I was a deceptive person to others as well as self-deceptive. From a much admired counselor, He told me I was "In Denial, and that did NOT mean In The Nile River." I can chuckle about the statement today, but did not then.

I think if we do not take from our past - the most painful, shameful, demeaning and humiliating times that were caused by our addiction/s or even those that have not faced addiction, but hide from their past, and embrace these, then we cannot complete the full complete circle of Self-Honesty. You cannot hide from your past...denial, because it will always find you. Whether that be tomorrow or twenty years down the road. Embracing these tumultuous time in our lives will make you become the person that God is yearning and paving the path for you to become. Embrace the past and the unfortunate times you have suffered because it will make you a better person for tomorrow.

If I did not embrace my past addictions and shameful, demeaning and humiliating times in my life, I would not be the lady that God works through every day today. I feel him embody me and ask him every morning to do so, in hopes that others will see that being honest with myself and not hiding from my past has made the lady that I am today and is making for him to do His Will and His Way tomorrow.

Embrace your past, be honest with yourself. You cannot hide, you are only cutting yourself short of being the man or woman that God wants you to become. The man or woman that he wants to work through and show others what God can do for them.

Today I can use this as a gift to help others. I want to love, smile, share and give back to others that are seeking what I have received. Godspeed.

You Can Change Or Stay the Same...

It is all up to you.

There are certain things we should compromise and some things that we do not need to compromise. While facing addiction or in active addiction it is easy to stay the same. We know what the consequences will bring. We get comfortable with the lifestyle because it is "the known"...i.e. comfort zone.

Are you willing to compromise your family, loved ones, children, your life or your job for your addiction/s? Or are you ready and willing to compromise your addiction for your family, your loved ones, children, your life and your job?

Facing your addiciton/s is a scary thought. It was for me. I knew I would have to make a lifestyle change. People, places and things. Basically everything in my life. It was the hardest choice I have ever made, but it was also the best choice I have ever made...by the grace of God. Those that are in active addiction may not have to alter their life as much as I did, and God willing I hope you do not. But, if you do you need to know there are hard times ahead.

I didn't just slide off a rainbow to get where I am today. I lost my children, my job, my friends, my house, my marriage...everything. Everything but my clothing. I had to be willing to compromise my addiction to live because I knew if I did not I would die.

New city, no friends, no family, a sober living house, waiting tables from a corporate job, divorce... I had to face the fear and the anguish because I was sick and tired of being "Sick and Tired". It's a choice. And the choice is yours. You make the choice, the addiction doesn't.

You flee from the pain when you are unwilling to compromise your addiction. You are willing to seek out the pain if you are willing to face your addiction. You are willing to go through the pain, the turmoil, the anguish, the guilt, the shame when you are ready to compromise your addiction for your family.

Are you willing to go down the path of the unknown? There are no shortcuts. Turning your addiction over to your Higher Power, is not an easy way but IT IS THE WAY. The journey has pain and difficulty in it, however it also has happiness, freedom from the chains of addiction, clarity, peace and serenity.

It's about the Journey, that may be painful at times, great at times, but the destination is worth it. I have slid off the end of the rainbow and found clarity, peace, serenity. Godspeed.

The Law of Attraction...

simply stated..."like attracts like".

THE TREASURE OF THE PAST ~ showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worthwhile to us now. Cling to the thought that, in God’s hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have – the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 124

In the deepest and darkest times in my life I would have never thought that God would use them to play out positively in the future. Today I am a story, in and of itself...a collection of experience, strength and hope.

My most painful, demeaning and humiliating times that were caused by my addiction is now our common bond.

Today I choose to live happy, joyous and free. When I do I can be of help to the still suffering addict because they can see and feel there is hope. That is part of the attraction of the program.

The Law of Attraction. Godspeed.

Daily Resolutions

The idea of “twenty-four-hour” living applies primarily to the emotional life of the individual. Emotionally speaking, we must not live in yesterday, nor in tomorrow. As Bill Sees It, p. 284

New Year's Resolutions are the norm...some kept, some broken. In reality we should keep our resolutions on a 24 hour basis. Knowing TODAY I will keep the resolution that I have decided to attain. It will keep your life in perspective instead of the let down of picking yourself back up from not keeping to your "New Year Resolution".

I have from the time I open my eyes in the morning, until I close them at night. I’m not given more than that. What I think in that time is who I am, and what I do with that time is what I am doing with my life.

Today I can be grateful for the very basics in life like food, shelter, and clothing, trying to practice these principals, be of service to others, and trying to live a life that I believe is Gods will for me, and trying to do the next right thing.

Today I am so grateful for the new way of living, and the new life I’ve been blessed with, and hope I can be a better person tomorrow as a result of today. Godspeed

Undeniable Blessings

Unexpected Circumstances followed by Unusual Communication result in Undeniable Blessings.

We all have or had plans for the future, however these may not or may not have been in agreeance with God. My plans for my future was to excel in work, have a successful marriage and have a loving relationship with his children. I left a few things out. First and foremost, God, and because of the toxicity of my marriage, my own family.

Though I made the plans come to fruition, addiction snuck into my life and took it all away. I was not following God's plan, just my own.

Each morning and night I now ask God to help me to follow "His Will, not my will and His Way, not my way". He will, and did in my life, intervene and change your course/plans for the future...if you have chosen your way and not his.

You may have thought your plans or your life were what God wanted...but he will intervene and let you know when it isn't. I tried over and over to work on my marriage and my Recovery, failing each and every time. It was not until I asked God to lead my life and take it over...Let Go, Let God, is when God began to Communicate to me and began to bless my life.

While it would be nice to have someone tap you on the shoulder and let us know that the path we are taking is the wrong one, the path and or journey you will then take also will not happen overnight. You will be given and receive Communication from God, or your Higher Power. He will Communicate his purpose to you in unusual fashions if necessary.

My addictions were the unusual communication for me. Struggling, falling to me knees, never surrendering my power over to him...almost death.

He will turn us onto a path of his will and blessings. When you seek him with all of your heart, he will find you and bless you undeniably.

Unexpected Circumstances followed by Unusual Communication result in Undeniable Blessings. Godspeed

Create A Great Life

When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. . . . On awakening let us think about the twenty – four hours ahead. . . . Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self – pity, dishonest or self – seeking motives. Alcoholics Anonymous Page 86

I am sure that humility, expressed by anonymity has led me to the inner peace I have instead of just relief that I wanted before I searched for a relationship with God. I want my God to use me, humbly, as one of His tools in this program and in my everyday life. Sacrifice is the art of giving of myself freely, allowing humility to replace my ego.

I let people see the changes in me and hope they will ask what happened to me. I place the principles of spirituality ahead of judging, fault-finding, and criticism. I want to give, make others smile and love.

Dreams don't work unless you do. Godspeed

Stepping into the Sunlight

But first of all we shall want sunlight; nothing much can grow in the dark. Meditation is our step out into the sun. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 10

As I always say, "There is no such thing as coincidence, it is just God being Anonymous". My normal routine in the morning is to wake and talk/pray to God, walk Misty out to the water on the bay and thank him for keeping me sober and asking for his will, not my will and his way, not my way. Then before I leave for work I read my Daily Devotions.

For some reason this morning I did neither. As I finished getting ready for the start of the day, I realized I had done neither one and looked over at my devotionals and thought "No, I need to get to work". Then I thought how the extra minute or two would not impact me being late, I was selfishly thinking of myself because I had already started my day off wrong by not talking to God.

As I said, "There is no such thing as coincidence, it is just God being Anonymous". I decided to step out into the Sunlight, like I do every morning...And So It Is...


Sometimes I think I don’t have time for prayer and meditation, forgetting that I always found the time to drink. It is possible to make time for anything I want to do if I want it badly enough. When I start the routine of prayer and meditation, it’s a good idea to plan to devote a small amount of time to it. I read a page from our Fellowship’s books in the morning, and say “Thank You, God,” when I go to bed at night. As prayer becomes a habit, I will increase the time spent on it, without even noticing the foray it makes into my busy day. If I have trouble praying, I just repeat the Lord’s Prayer because it really covers everything. Then I think of what I can be grateful for and say a word of thanks.

I don’t need to shut myself in a closet to pray. It can be done even in a room full of people. I just remove myself mentally for an instant. As the practice of prayer continues, I will find I don’t need words, for God can, and does, hear my thoughts through silence. ONLINE DAILY REFLECTIONS

A Second Impression

Ghost Ballet combines elements representing the heritage of Nashville’s east bank as well as the momentum and energy associated with Nashville today. Components of the structure are reminiscent of the industries that dominated the east side of the river from the mid-1800s until the Coliseum was completed in 1999, By artist Alice Aycock (the second photo, taken by Mike Byrd).

For two years I lived downtown Nashville and would sit at the Riverfront Parkway across from the "Ghost Ballet" and wondered all of those years what a strange sculpture that was and what the meaning was behind it. Until recently my friend, Kerry Woo, took a picture of it and told me what his interpretation was. For me, Kerry's interpretation resonates with me. A second impression.

"For me it symbolizes broken dreams because of the heart shape yet one can get off the ride of roller coaster emotions and rise above it", says Kerry Woo, a friend and the photographer of the first picture of "Ghost Ballet".

I always saw the angle of the sculpture that Kerry had taken. Never the other. And friends that visited would ask me what it meant and I just told them it was some type modern art.

I like that interpretation. We all have broken dreams, that of love, of friendship, of family or that of a job. How true that we do not have to continue the vicious cycle of a roller coaster of broken dreams or of disastrous emotions that never end and will probably never end. "Yet one can get off the ride of roller coaster emotions and rise above it".

God helps me to do that today. He saved me from the continuous roller coaster of addiction that I could not get myself out of, saved me from a toxic marriage, and once I got sober I can actually see when I need to get off that roller coaster rather than riding it to no end. Godspeed

A "Limitless Lode"

Like a gaunt prospector, belt drawn in over the last ounce of food, our pick struck gold. Joy at our release from a lifetime of frustration knew no bounds. Father feels he has struck something better than gold. For a time he may try to hug the new treasure to himself. He may not see at once that he has barely scratched a limitless lode which will pay dividends only if he mines it for the rest of his life and insist on giving away the entire product. Alcoholics Anonymous Pages 128 & 129

You will never give birth to something that doesn't grow in you. Church and a relationship with God was embedded in me since a child, but it was not until I found recovery that I was ready and willing to have God work in me. When I found recovery I began to see a new life growing in front of me. It became a Purpose driven change. Something that is life changing you want to share. When you catch a vision you bring people with you, you share it. The joy in a change in your life that you can share what you once felt with the tears and the excitement of the new love in your life.

I was not accustomed to anything but chaos and self inflected wounds in my life. I remember waking up in my sober living house one morning and realized I was not afraid to wake up anymore. It was an "aha moment". I didn't realize I woke up in fear every day. I used to wake up every morning and would be afraid of what turmoil I would face in my toxic marriage. I didn't realize how much I lived in fear and chaos until I chose sober living. To wake every morning with a smile and to thank God for my fearless day and keeping me sober that day was the most uplifting feeling I had ever felt. I had become accustomed to fear now I began to become accustomed to love.

How can you take what God has done to in your life and spread it to others? I have been given a new life of love, recovery, sobriety and a passion to smile and to give back to others what I have received. What is your purpose? Share your passion.

A New Life

Wrong relationships will always lead you to turbulent times. When something is out of order in our lives it will create disorder. Take a look at your world and if there is drama and chaos in your life, guess who you may be choosing to get away from? God.

If you are amidst of peace that passeth understanding then you have God in your life. Remember the song we used to sing out of the hymnal at church? "I have the peace that passeth understanding down in my heart, down in my heart, down in my heart..." I certainly didn't understand the words that I was singing then but I do now. I want and crave for the peace that passeth understanding down in my heart.

We reach out to God when we cannot get out of the turmoil without God. I cannot save myself and I cannot fix this by myself. It takes courage to ask for God's help.

Getting out of loneliness, addiction, loss, turmoil, depression takes a Higher Power, which I choose to call God. When we as believers are not doing what God wants us to do, we then can create chaos and drama in our life and in the lives of our friends, loved ones and at work. How do you get out of this self created drama and turmoil?

Talk to God where you are. I talked to God when I was in active addiction, crying out to him. But what I didn't realize is that I was not ready to quit the chemical dependency just wanted the circumstances, the turmoil and the chaos out of my life without having to choose to turn over my addiction to God. I had to admit to God that I was powerless over my addiction and that my life had become unmanageable. Step One in AA.

God answered my cry of help when I was ready, when I was ready and willing. I was in the midst of Hell...literally with the Devil standing and guiding me. Think about that for a moment. I was allowing the Devil to take my hand and lead my life, turning my will and my ways over to him, not God.

I now pray everyday for God's will not my will and for God's way not my way. I have been to the deepest darkest places of them, Hell... and never want to go back.There are those that never face that and be thankful that you have been strong enough and your relationship with God has protected you. I now picture my hand in God's hand with his flowing white robe leading me into my day, turning everything in my life over to him and for him to lead me in his will and his way. A picture I embrace deeply.

You may cry out from your belly of addiction, shame, regret, remorse or failure. You cannot save yourself and cannot get yourself out of this, only God can. Worship and pray to God even if you don't feel it. Fake it Till you Make It...There is nothing that can change your life other than God.

Keep your promise. Misery comes with conflict when you do not keep your promise. I am going to fulfill my promises not to just God but also to my family, my job, my friends, and reaching out to others. We have all made promises that we have not kept.. I promise to love, to cherish, and to give. You cannot change your past but can start today by fulfilling your promises that you have made today. You can reconcile your promises, to your friends to your family, apologize for the things you have done.

You will Pay the price of loneliness, addiction, loss, turmoil and depression by silencing the voice of God. Listen, for He will speak to you.

Godspeed.

Our Side of the Street

We are there to sweep off our side of the street, realizing that nothing worth while can be accomplished until we do so, never trying to tell him what he should do. His faults are not discussed. We stick to our own. Alcoholics Anonymous Pages 77 – 78

Blaming others for the problems in our life is easy to do. I have done this pretty much my entire life. Blaming others for your reaction, pointing out their faults. If I am angry about people, places and events that have happened in my life then I need to step back and see what and where was I to blame. Anger is self centered. It's not about what the other person has done to me or what I think they have done to me, it is for me to look at myself and figure out what I need to fix about myself.

I still can find amends that I need to make and when something of this nature occurs I do. Cleaning off my side of the street is my responsibility not others. How clean is yours? Have you made amends to those who have harmed you or that you have harmed? It produces peace and clarity in your life.

Today I ask for forgiveness to those that I have hurt, asking nothing back in return. Inner peace is my goal, my purpose and my destiny.

A Nourishing Ingredient...

in my life has become humility. I like that description.

True humility and an open mind can lead us to faith, and every A.A. meeting is an assurance that God will restore us to sanity if we rightly relate ourselves to Him. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 33

A few days ago I was speaking with a friend about the word "humility". How I didn't even know what the word meant until I found recovery. I even wrote it down on a sheet of paper from the dictionary because I didn't understand how it had or did or would relate in my life.

I may eat a nourishing meal, fruits, vegetables, exercise and take vitamins that continue my physical health, but sometimes I have to remind myself of an ingredient that I need in my life now that I am in recovery and how I began the journey of humility in my life. Force fed at times.

While I eat the nourishing foods and exercise, they make me feel better physically. The nourishing ingredient of humility will make me feel better emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.

Some of us have never hit rock bottom to realize what we have taken for granted in our lives that God has given us. Family, food, a roof over our head, a job, etc...

As I have stated before, a sense of humility is not having to tell the next person that you see that you just gave a homeless man your leftovers from the restaurant that you just left. Humility is about feeling a sense of peace. Doing a favor unknown for a person. Sending flowers unaddressed, mowing your neighbors lawn and not telling them. It doesn't always take monetary means to add this nourishing ingredient into your life.

Humility is a nourishing essential ingredient that encourages me to feel peace instead of just relief.

How will you show this nourishing ingredient in your life this week? Godspeed