Character Tests

Your personality and talent can open doors for you but only character can keep the doors open for you. You can find out a lot about a person by who their friends are. "You are who you hang around."

Tests continue throughout our life just like in school to go to the next grade, the next educational year. So it is in life, that is why people feel stuck in life. What test have I not passed? Why am I not where I thought I would be at this point in my life? The life you are living, there are Character tests. The reason you are not there yet is because you have not passed the character test that God has put upon you. The test of character is the most crucial because this is the test that God has destined you TO BE. The person you ARE to become. The bigger your dream, the bigger the character test. "Character" a Greek word that was a mark impressed upon a coin. Think of the mark upon a coin then think about the word character. The mark is what determines the value. The result of character is the mark or impression of what we make upon the lives of others. What kind of mark are you leaving?

To see a man's true nature, give him complete unadulterated power to think, judge and execute another human being. Character is much easier kept than recovered.

Examine and test and evaluate your own selves to see whether you are holding to your faith and showing the proper fruit of life. Test and prove yourself.

We are in a continuous test in our life. Godspeed

Dreams...

are the inner theatre of the mind. The place where we hope for things.

I believe Dreams that become a force are birthed by a God Encounter. God has been on my heart for many dreams recently, some of my own and some of others. Just think when God spoke to Noah about the Ark, when God spoke to Mary about giving birth to Jesus Christ.

Dreams that become a force can also be birthed out of something I love. What do you love? I love advertising and helping others, giving back what I have been given. Writing this blog is a way I can give back to others with addictions. To show we share a common bond. My addiction is now our common bond.

Today I choose to live happy, joyous and free. When I do I can be of help to the still suffering addict because they can see and feel there is hope. I was not always like this.

What do you like to talk about? What do you like to do?

What do you love to do that matters to you and that matters to others?

Dreams...are also birthed out of something that angers you, something that has hurt you emotionally, mentally, spiritually or physically. i.e. Martin Luther King, M.A.D.D. - Mothers Against Drunk Driving.

Dreams...also birthed out of something that ignites compassion. Tears. Whatever you weep over, God can give you a passion about that. Compassion putting you into action. What causes you to weep? Your tears have enough power to conquer your Dreams...birthed out of discontentment. I would love to have a halfway house for women who have been abused and/or with addiction problems.

You notice things that no one else notices. You notice it because it is what your calling is.

When you radically obey God, blessings fall on your life. Until some people exit your life you may never hear God.

If you cannot see it you cannot experience it. Dreamers don't just see, they see what could be.

Take a walk. Go...move...take a dream walk. I am. Godspeed.

Cinderella Man

The true story of an athlete who achieved his greatest success against the most daunting odds of his life is brought to the screen in this historical drama.

While conventional wisdom had it that Braddock was too old, out of shape, and out of practice to have any chance of winning, he defeated Griffin, and continued beating his opponents with a powerful left hook that had been intensified by years of punishing dock work. In a nation desperate for good news, Braddock's surprising comeback became a tonic to struggling workers and unemployed people, and all eyes were on Braddock when in 1935 he took on powerful heavyweight champion Max Baer in what was both literally and figuratively the fight of his life. ~ Mark Deming

Quite a sensational film, Braddock being on top of the world with his game, taking things in life for granted, i.e. tossing the purse he won on his dresser, a mere 4k plus in the twenties, a loving wife, beautiful children and in a lovely house without a worry in the world.

The depression hits, bills unpaid, no work, feeling despair and the world on his shoulders to provide just milk for his family. Milk. Letting go of his pride and ego and turning to his former trainer and manager to ask for money to be able to turn his utilities on. However, Braddock had the fight in him not just from his boxing career that God had blessed him with but also the fight in him not to let his family down.

Quite a parallel story of those that are or were in active addiction. You have it all one day, take it for granted, hit rock bottom and wonder if you have a fighting chance...

I wasn't sure if I had it in me, but by the Grace of God I found my fight and pulled myself up from depression and let go of my pride and ego and accepted that it was time to ask for help. The disease of addiction doesn't win, just like Braddock didn't let the hard times win. He fought long and hard and built himself back to what he used to be. Addiction is able to win because YOU are not ready to win, fight and defeat.

Humility. A fight to win again, to beat the odds. Something that everyone else doesn't believe that will ever happen again. Lost hope. That is what I took from the movie. The reporters asked Braddock "why do you want to win this fight?" and he replied, "Milk". Milk to put on the table for his family. I took everything that God had so graciously blessed me with for granted, and in saying that I lost everything in my life just as he did; my house, all belongings, my once children, a failed marriage, relationship with my parents...all but my clothes. I thank God everyday for the roof over my head, the food in my refrigerator, the electricity I have, my job, family, friends and first and foremost my sobriety. Everyday.

You can tell how far a person will go in life by what they are willing to go without to become who they want to be. Godspeed

Self-Honesty...

The deception of others is nearly always rooted in the deception of ourselves. . . . When we are honest with another person, it confirms that we have been honest with ourselves and with God. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 17

While in active addiction I was a deceptive person to others as well as self-deceptive. From a much admired counselor, He told me I was "In Denial, and that did NOT mean In The Nile River." I can chuckle about the statement today, but did not then.

I think if we do not take from our past - the most painful, shameful, demeaning and humiliating times that were caused by our addiction/s or even those that have not faced addiction, but hide from their past, and embrace these, then we cannot complete the full complete circle of Self-Honesty. You cannot hide from your past...denial, because it will always find you. Whether that be tomorrow or twenty years down the road. Embracing these tumultuous time in our lives will make you become the person that God is yearning and paving the path for you to become. Embrace the past and the unfortunate times you have suffered because it will make you a better person for tomorrow.

If I did not embrace my past addictions and shameful, demeaning and humiliating times in my life, I would not be the lady that God works through every day today. I feel him embody me and ask him every morning to do so, in hopes that others will see that being honest with myself and not hiding from my past has made the lady that I am today and is making for him to do His Will and His Way tomorrow.

Embrace your past, be honest with yourself. You cannot hide, you are only cutting yourself short of being the man or woman that God wants you to become. The man or woman that he wants to work through and show others what God can do for them.

Today I can use this as a gift to help others. I want to love, smile, share and give back to others that are seeking what I have received. Godspeed.

Demand from God

God only gives us what we can handle. There is a test in this from God. He is not going to put us in situations that there is not a way out or that we cannot learn from or that will be harmful to us. It may not always be the outcome we want, however he will never put us in a situation that will "kill" us. You have to quit worrying about events or people that will never change. Put that time and focus on yourself by asking God for relief and he will present himself to you when you ask.

It is easy to obsess about life occurrences, tests in faith, problems within your family, job, friends. But what is the obsessing going to do? You ask God to lead you in the direction he wants you to go. Demand from God to show you the answers, the light to the end of the tunnel...the answers to your problems.

When I was in Nashville, I finally loved my life because I had found Recovery and was elated at the new life God had given me. After three years there, I felt I had no purpose...Not that I was not growing spiritually, emotionally and mentally, it was as if I could take it or leave it. In a purpose I mean that I knew he was telling me it was time to move on. I knew that God was calling me to use my experience, strength and hope somewhere else. Where, I was not sure...How and when I did not know, I just knew it not there anymore.

I told my parents to start praying and that I was not sure where or what God wanted me to go or do, but I knew it was time to move on. I demanded from God that in the next five months that He will show me where I am supposed to be and with that a job included. My demands were asked every day from God and in this demand I do believe that I showed to my Higher Power how much I trusted him and had faith that he would deliver what I had asked for.

It was miraculous. God laid it out in front of me, as if I were watching a movie and knew what was going to happen next. It was because I had faith in him and his power to move mountains that I had never believed in before.

Our biggest question is always "What is going to happen?" Let it go, worrying about the future and of the present tangles of our thoughts and emotions. It blocks us from experiencing the joy we have today, right in front of us. Doing what is good for today at your best will assure you tomorrow will start right where you left off yesterday...at your best.

Positively affirm that your future will be that of God's will and demand from him what you know in your heart is right. He will answer, when you ask, and when you listen to him and when you show him you have the faith in Him that he will move mountains for you. For you, love.

And so it is.

Daily Resolutions

The idea of “twenty-four-hour” living applies primarily to the emotional life of the individual. Emotionally speaking, we must not live in yesterday, nor in tomorrow. As Bill Sees It, p. 284

New Year's Resolutions are the norm...some kept, some broken. In reality we should keep our resolutions on a 24 hour basis. Knowing TODAY I will keep the resolution that I have decided to attain. It will keep your life in perspective instead of the let down of picking yourself back up from not keeping to your "New Year Resolution".

I have from the time I open my eyes in the morning, until I close them at night. I’m not given more than that. What I think in that time is who I am, and what I do with that time is what I am doing with my life.

Today I can be grateful for the very basics in life like food, shelter, and clothing, trying to practice these principals, be of service to others, and trying to live a life that I believe is Gods will for me, and trying to do the next right thing.

Today I am so grateful for the new way of living, and the new life I’ve been blessed with, and hope I can be a better person tomorrow as a result of today. Godspeed

Undeniable Blessings

Unexpected Circumstances followed by Unusual Communication result in Undeniable Blessings.

We all have or had plans for the future, however these may not or may not have been in agreeance with God. My plans for my future was to excel in work, have a successful marriage and have a loving relationship with his children. I left a few things out. First and foremost, God, and because of the toxicity of my marriage, my own family.

Though I made the plans come to fruition, addiction snuck into my life and took it all away. I was not following God's plan, just my own.

Each morning and night I now ask God to help me to follow "His Will, not my will and His Way, not my way". He will, and did in my life, intervene and change your course/plans for the future...if you have chosen your way and not his.

You may have thought your plans or your life were what God wanted...but he will intervene and let you know when it isn't. I tried over and over to work on my marriage and my Recovery, failing each and every time. It was not until I asked God to lead my life and take it over...Let Go, Let God, is when God began to Communicate to me and began to bless my life.

While it would be nice to have someone tap you on the shoulder and let us know that the path we are taking is the wrong one, the path and or journey you will then take also will not happen overnight. You will be given and receive Communication from God, or your Higher Power. He will Communicate his purpose to you in unusual fashions if necessary.

My addictions were the unusual communication for me. Struggling, falling to me knees, never surrendering my power over to him...almost death.

He will turn us onto a path of his will and blessings. When you seek him with all of your heart, he will find you and bless you undeniably.

Unexpected Circumstances followed by Unusual Communication result in Undeniable Blessings. Godspeed

A Second Impression

Ghost Ballet combines elements representing the heritage of Nashville’s east bank as well as the momentum and energy associated with Nashville today. Components of the structure are reminiscent of the industries that dominated the east side of the river from the mid-1800s until the Coliseum was completed in 1999, By artist Alice Aycock (the second photo, taken by Mike Byrd).

For two years I lived downtown Nashville and would sit at the Riverfront Parkway across from the "Ghost Ballet" and wondered all of those years what a strange sculpture that was and what the meaning was behind it. Until recently my friend, Kerry Woo, took a picture of it and told me what his interpretation was. For me, Kerry's interpretation resonates with me. A second impression.

"For me it symbolizes broken dreams because of the heart shape yet one can get off the ride of roller coaster emotions and rise above it", says Kerry Woo, a friend and the photographer of the first picture of "Ghost Ballet".

I always saw the angle of the sculpture that Kerry had taken. Never the other. And friends that visited would ask me what it meant and I just told them it was some type modern art.

I like that interpretation. We all have broken dreams, that of love, of friendship, of family or that of a job. How true that we do not have to continue the vicious cycle of a roller coaster of broken dreams or of disastrous emotions that never end and will probably never end. "Yet one can get off the ride of roller coaster emotions and rise above it".

God helps me to do that today. He saved me from the continuous roller coaster of addiction that I could not get myself out of, saved me from a toxic marriage, and once I got sober I can actually see when I need to get off that roller coaster rather than riding it to no end. Godspeed