Self-Pity...

can arise at any moment when everything seems to be well in your life. There seems to be a comfort in self pity, private moments to shed tears, moments shared with others wondering why this has happened in my life and why.

Self-Pity is one of the most unhappy and consuming defects that we know. It is a to all spiritual progress and can cut off all effective communication with our fellows because of its inordinate demands for attention and sympathy. it is a maudlin form of martyrdom, which we can ill afford. AS BILL SEE IT p. 238

If I succumb to my self pity I can succumb to relapse. Often times I stand back and take a full look from above of my life. Where I have gone wrong, dishonesty, addiction, being distrustful, self-pity and self-absorbent tendencies and behaviors. In reality, no matter if you are in recovery or not, self pity will arise.

Taking a look back at my marriage I can sit and mourn the loss because I believed I would be married to my husband forever and have his children as mine. For a reason I now understand, God brought me out of the marriage because of its toxicity. However, to yearn for the companionship and the relationships and love I had built in my marriage and with the children, I can either mourn and ask why or I can thank God that I once had a family...where some never get to experience the wonderful intoxicating moment of a child, not born from you, tell you they love you. I will always cherish these moments. And have to re-teach and re-iterate that God favored me to experience that, that some will never be able to. For this I am thankful. Thankful to you, God.

I see glimpses in my life where God shows me a part of a man he, in my hopes, that he is building for me. If not, then I have to let go of the self-pity that I have established and be thankful for the love of a family I once had. Till then I will keep on trying and learn to be thankful for the journey that I will be able to share...Godspeed