"Of all persons we had harmed...and became willing to make amends to them all." TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS. p.77
I realized at the beginning of my recovery that I would make amends to those I had harmed. Some amends were asked quicker, some slower and I am still working on some. Self-centeredness and self-pity had to be erased from my motives. Though I knew I had been harmed, I had to discard the feelings of them making amends to me. For my recovery I had to do what was important with my relationship with my God in knowing that I would do anything that I could to repair any damage I had done to others.
One of the amends I made a year and a half ago and it did not sit well with me on the response that I was given. I soon realized that I had become self-seeking on a hidden agenda. I wanted spoken forgiveness because I thought it would heal me of the harm that I had caused others.
The key to happiness is to forgive ourselves first. Though I may not have been pleased with the response, I had to remember it was about me having peace and serenity. Take a look at "The Lord's Prayer". "Forgive our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us".
I was able to make amends to this person a second time, in person. We happened to be on a plane together that would seem of impossible fate because we had moved in different directions in the past five years. Amends were made once again and the heaviness of guilt was gone.
This was not a sheer glimpse of coincidence, this was God being anonymous. GodSpeed
3 comments:
Colette the one thing I would point out is that, whatever did transpire was not solely on you anyway. No matter what the relationship - two folks who interact together are both parts of what happened. Your friends or loved ones - those interacting with you at the time were not simply bystanders or victems of whatever it was that transpired. If you did things you needed to apologize for later...my take is that if they were indeed friends and loved ones - they are equally responsible for what happened as they should have been concerned enough at the time to help you through it in a better fashion. Just my take - at the end of the day, you are on the right path now - learn from the past and make the future better through what you endured. Its the nature of things ;)
Coco- I must concur with Dave..you are a good person..you always have been..you must not carry the burden for relationships or interactions where things might of gone sideways
I have made mistakes..you have...we are human- am I doing something to make Tripp or Will be mean or respectful to me? I dont know..I live my life trying to be a positive contributor to peoples lives..You do the same..you halways have since I have known you been a special ..neat person I fell in love with! Keep being you- keep the faith but please carry too much in that back pack...GREAT statement CoCo AND DAVE
Unfortunately it was a case of just me hurting somebody. Yes, it usually does take two to tango however in this situation it was one-sided. Who doesn't unintentionally hurt someone at sometime in their life.
I do appreciate the nice thoughts. XX
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