I Am Responsible

In recovery, and through the help of Alcoholics Anonymous, I learn that the very thing I fear is my freedom. It comes from my tendency to recoil from taking responsibility for anything: I deny, I ignore, I blame, I avoid. Then one day, I look, I admit, I accept. The freedom, the healing and the recovery I experience is in the looking, admitting and accepting. I learn to say, 'Yes, I am responsible." When I can speak those words with honesty and sincerity, then I am free. Daily Reflections, September 12.

I never took responsibility for my mishaps during life. I did not even realize that I wasn't because I was in denial. The first bout with chemical dependency was denied by avoidance. I would never speak of it to my ex husband. If it was brought up I would make the conversation stop. I knew it was wrong but why face reality. It was over and done with, right?

It has taken me several times to relearn the process of recovery to learn to admit to my faults. Not just in what I have done during "active addiction" to person/s, family, friends, etc...but for everything in my life. "What part/s of this do I need to take responsibility for" is a question I have to ask myself now. Whether that be in my personal life or my career. Instead of putting the blame on another I need to step back, take a look at the others perspective and to not put the blame on them. Then, find out what I am responsible for and admit my wrong doings.

Before it was an ego driven force inside of me to not admit where I was wrong. Today it is uplifting and serene to be able to admit and take responsibility for my actions.