Forming True Partnerships

But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most. We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them. The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 53

Can these words apply to me, am I still unable to form a true partnership with another human being? What a terrible handicap that would be for me to carry into my sober life! In my sobriety I will meditate and pray to discover how I may be a trusted friend and companion. DAILY REFLECTIONS JUNE 12

It was difficult for me when I divorced. I had lost my best friend, my confidant, the man that would hold me tightly when he was able. I seem to fall back and forth from the good to the bad. My tendencies always have done this. At times I remember the abuse and ask God to remind me of that to replace the times I begin to think of the good times. The abuse far outweighed the good times. I would always give excuses for his actions. I never wanted our marriage to end I just knew that one day we would be able to fix the problems that we both had and come back to the real reason we had been married, for love. Many people ask me If I still love him. I do still love him, but I could not stay in love with a man that would abuse me. Once I got sober and stepped away from my marriage I began to realize that I did not have to stay in a harmful relationship. Harmful physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. The items I shared with him were of intimate soul to soul details. Ones that you are not to turn around and hurt the other with.

Meeting new friends in my new city have been trial and error for me. I have always been one to trust anyone and believe whatever they were to say. I have a loving and warming heart to each person I meet and want to connect with them. Because of my past I am learning to take the steps slower and really learn about the new people I encounter. Slowly. Sometimes over guarding myself where it could not allow a relationship to blossom because of my FEAR. Fear of the pain again. I probably over analyze each person that encounters my life for friendship or of courtship. Reality speaking to me that these people could hurt me as well. I can see where I do it to the extent that I may push people out of my life because I would rather do that than to have a broken heart of friendship and intimacy again.

I am learning though, that God will guide me through this, if I ask him. And I do. I close my eyes and envision God in his white robe and as me as a child in a dress barefooted. I look at him and ask him to take my hand and guide me through whatever may need his guidance for me. The sight of my little hand in God's hand is a beautiful and is an impressionable sight in my eyes. Then I follow him, the little girl walking behind God, his white robe flowing and with his large hand grasping mine tightly, as to not let go. Safe At Last. God is Good.